UNTIL DEATH DO US PART!

I am sure most of you are familiar with the phrase 'until death do us part". A phrase commonly used in wedding ceremonies to affirm the commitment of the couple to each other. After each of them affirms their commitment by uttering the words 'I do', the crowd cheers in jubilation and the emotional ones even shed a tear or two. But how long does this phrase have to hold in the marriage, is it only in the church, or only until  the couple get on each others nerves or until you find 'new love' (whilst you are still commited by the way)? These are the questions I wanted to share with you today and also possibly hear your views on the issue.

To begin with, I will ask the question, why do we get married or should I say commited to someone? Is it because we love them, because we want to, because its in fashion, for the sake of status, or just because you have been in the relationship long enough and you just want to make it official? Which ever reason you had when you chose to get married should have been strong enough to be worth the word 'until death do us part' I hope, becuase if it wasn't worth the words then one has to revisit why they took that oath at the altar in the first place.

I believe one should get married when they have really made up their mind to and not because something or someone is forcing them to. In this day and age where divorce is so rampant, it comes as no shock when people go and utter the words 'until death do us part ' at the altar and a month later the two are walking their separate ways. One wonders then why did they have to waste all that money, take an oath before God and men (people) and now here they are taking separate paths. It saddens my heart when this happens because most of the times these are people who wanted their marriage to work, and wanted to spend the rest of their life time together but alas! it didn't happen. There are always reasons as to why people had to separate, ranging from irresponsible spouses in all manner of ways to  those spouses caught cheating.

Talking about cheating, I think this is one of the major reasons that relationships and marriages have landed on the rocks and finaly break ups. Why do people who once loved each other so much, up to  the point of taking the oath at the altar finally feel like they can't spend the rest of their lives together anymore?  Most of the times its beacuse one of the spouses feel cheated and have lost the trust they had in their partner. Many times its because the spouse has been caught cheating with another man/woman.

How do we define cheating then, and how does one begin to cheat on their loved one? Is cheating only when you are caught with another man or woman other than your wife, or can it be that one can be cheating whilst they are still with their partner but their love and commitment is with someone else. Here I am talking of a spouse who is imagining someone else in their arms whilst they have their partners with them.  Which ever the case cheating is cheatining, there are no two ways about it. 

Here is an example, you are walking in town and you meet this lady or man who is everything you have ever wished for in life (knowing that usually when you get married with someone they are not always 100% what you wanted lol!). Anyway so this lucrative opportunity presents itself to you, you have the choice to say yes to go ahead with the cheating or no, I dont want to do that. In most cases cheating does not come in such circumstances because you know that if I do this I willl be cheating (unless your conscience is completely gone). Usually cheating comes in ways we never thought of and most of the times people will not realise that they are drifting into the cheating waters until they are up to their neck in the mess. The interesting thing is that every man/woman is tempted when his or her own desire lures them. In this case people will cheat with something less lucrative and presumably easily satisfies their desire instantly (quoted from a discussion with EK). Does this sound familiar????

If we follow the cheating process this is how it goes:


 I am being lured (thought). I don’t care (brushing the thought off). I am going ahead (decision time). OOOPs I am cheating (final decision).You entertain subconsciously, then WHAT THE HELL DO I THINK AM DOING? (Realisation, eye opener).Then  you hit the BRAKES!! 

Sometimes when we hit the brakes its too late because we are too deep in the mess.

Come to think of it, who do you mind when it comes to cheating? Is it yourself, your spouse or your family, how about the person you are cheating with?
  
Usually you find that during the cheating process people find a  person who thinks that you don’t have a family or shall we say thinks that you are not committed and is acting innocently. Somewhere down the line the chemistry has started and then the innocent person you are cheating with realizes you are a commited person and at this point you have cheated two people.How would you feel?


The moment you take a step towards entertaining prospects of cheating, you have already gone a mile into the cheating bussiness.

Think about it, every marriage has its own problems and issues, but it is the way the issues are handled between the couple that makes a diffrence. If you keep thinking the grass is greener on the other side you are cheating yourself. 

Bouncing from one marriage to the other will not solve the problem. We learn through mistakes,  and  mistakes are part of our experiences, and these experiences make us into who we are.  Some people have had a chance to walk out of a bad marriage and land into a happy marriage and others they keep bouncing from one unhappy relationship to the next.


What a life! I hope you find happiness in your relationships.

Cherish what you have because sometimes we realize too late what we had after its gone and we can't get it back.
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Take care .

ACHIEVEMENTS

Looking through the weeks past, there were so many things to look back to and the many achievements that have been attained.

I could not help to notice the achievements of William Kamkwamba who from humble beginings his achievent is now recognized worldwide. It is in moments like these that one looks back at what talent is hidden in each one of us and is never put to use. William did put his talent into use and created a windmill which was able to help not only his family but also the surrounding community. Gathering from his blog I could not help to notice the confidence he has and also believing in himself that he could achieve his goal, by creating what he read in a book.

How much knowledge have we gathered in the past years that we could put in use? Most of us have had different opportunities and exposure to wider knowledge that if put in use could be very rewarding, but what are we doing with this knowledge?

My entry today is to encourage a lot of people out there who have so many different kinds of talents which have not been discovered yet, never to give up, but to believe in themselves and gather up confidence to perfect their talents. It does not have to be a huge thing for starters, for it is always one step at a time that a person starts walking and moving forward or backward. Let us take the right step towards the right direction. For as it is said in our local language "fumbi ndiwe mwini" meaning you are your own trainer (please if someone can translate it better please add it as a comment), its all up to you to perfect what you have. It does not have to be complicated, cooking, music, art and craft, dancing, talking, listening, gardening, and many more can be talents that can be developed. Let us not look down upon ourselves, let us work our way up to perfect our God given talents. You never know where you will end up with your talent in the years to come.

Best wishes