Discovering the REAL YOU! Is it worth it??

As a woman I spend time to take care of my hair, my face, my body, or just to sum it all, taking care of myself.

The way you present yourself in public is most often a reflection of how you feel about yourself, how confident you are and so on. This is not only for women but also for men. You know girls can tell whether or not a man is confident, and the more confident a man is about himself, the more a girl would trust them with their life.

Depending of what one’s past experiences are, one’s self confidence may be boosted or can just be sucked out of them leaving them so unsure about everything.

In my experience lack of self confidence can be costly and sometimes really costly that you spend a whole life time regretting for that lost opportunity.

A friend of mine told me a story once, a true story, about two people who really liked each other. They spent a lot of time together and did so many things together. Everyone could have thought there was more than friendship between the two. They used to hang out and do most of the fun things together but in their heart of hearts there was this big hole they just could not figure out where they stood. Sometimes they would think that its just friendship another day it would feel like a relationship was blossoming. This went on for years and the girl thought one day the guy would say something and the guy was hoping that one day the girl would say something. But as time went on the girl was not sure what was going and the worst thing she was falling in love, on the other hand the guy was still contemplating on what to do. And one day the guy came and told the girl, “you are far more educated than I am” and this sealed it, the girl knew that the future she thought was there for a relationship with this guy was bleak.

The girl thought to herself, “ what went wrong? Does this mean what that educational status surpasses love between to people? ” She just could not understand.

My friend struggled to keep a smile on her face as she knew this guy was dating someone else even though he never told her. Many were the occasions where the two girls met, and my friend was just dying from inside and she respected the guys decision to date someone else, but she just could not understand why the guy left her.

It was the man’s choice to leave my friend and go for another girl but can you imagine how much my friend’s self-confidence was shattered? Her confidence was shaken especially that this was not the first time it happened to her that someone left her due to her educational status. The one thing that encouraged my friend was her faith in God; she believed that whatever was meant to be hers will come to be. She pulled through this situation and now she looks back and just smiles at the great moments that they spent together and of course sometimes thinks of what it would have been like if things had turned differently.

The moral of this story is that my friend’s self confidence was shattered due to her experiences, and I know most of you relate to this story, your story may not be the same as the one above but you may have gone through similar if not other experiences that have challenged your self-confidence.

The truth is that each one of us has a part within that can never be changed, which is so special that even if people could try and destroy you in one way or the other, “the real you” will still stand.

God made us in a way that we can withstand so many things, that we can go through the toughest experiences in life, be beaten and destroyed but by and by we can get back on our feet. It may take days, months even many years but at the end of it all we can still stand and encourage someone with our experiences.

That part of us, the one I call “the real you” even though it has been trampled upon and its beauty marred, with time it recovers and its beauty blossoms again bringing out the REAL YOU.

No matter what the experience may be you can still get your self-confidence back. It’s a choice you have to make, believe in yourself and pull yourself back and trust that you can be the best you can be no matter what people say or think about you.

Remember champions are those who have endured and never gave up. No matter how many times they failed they tried again and again each time believing that one day they will win.

So I stand here to tell you that no-one should play around with your life, if it means you have to walk away to gain your self confidence, WALK; if it means giving up what you cherished to gain back your self-confidence, GIVE IT UP; if it means to start all over again to gain your self-confidence, START OVER.

Discover the real you and stand for it.

When a Woman Cries

Tears! it's amazing how many types or categories of tears exist. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of regret, tears of pleasure, tears of sorrow and many more. 

As I sat and pondered at all these kinds of tears, I remembered that between the male and female of our species; it is very easy to see the tears of a woman than those of a man. You ask me why, I don't really have a straight answer but I can always speculate ( I think it's allowed). Some people say that women cry easily than men because they are very emotional, others say because women are soft, while others will say because they need attention and some will say they just love to cry.

In as much as all t he statements I have outlined above may have some truth in them, most of the times men may have a wrong idea why a woman cries. When a woman sheds tears , it may be because of the issue at hand but also because of a previous issues which happened or because of the outcomes of the issue being discussed. A good example is if we take a couple in a relationship, they have been together for a while, they have had issues which were tough but they have managed to pull through. In a case where a woman has been tolerating the man so many times, each time she tolerates a major mistake from the man, a small amount of trust is subtracted from the total trust she had in the man. With time if the man is not able to win back the woman's trust in the relationship the amount of trust this woman had in the partner wears thin. In no time the woman suddenly starts crying more than usual. For every little squabble she is crying, watch out she may just be announcing the end of the relationship. Then the distance between the couple starts to grow, less talking, less time spent together and the next thing you know one of them is not really interested in the other and then its over. 

People can still remain in a relationship while they have been apart for years in their heart of hearts. In a marriage for example, a woman may still be married to a man whom she has divorced in her heart many years back. By the time she opens up and says, I want a divorce, its not a spontaneous decision, she could have made this decision years back and now she is just implementing it. And all this time the man could have just been saying my wife is getting too soft these days, she just cries for any little disagreement.

Some people may be saying no way, I think a woman is just complicated. Hahahaha I like this illustration that a male friend of mine sent trying to explain a woman: he said a woman is like a panel of switches, which you have to switch on so as to get the best of her while a man is just one switch, its either on or off.

If this is the picture men have of a woman, then you should know that every switch has its own alarm system and if you push the woman to the limit, she will just shut down either due to system overload or just to preserve her dignity and respect.

Tears of a woman; they are much more complicated than one might think.

A Woman's Cry for Help

She sat there facing down; her young daughter was lingering around playing with her mother and grandmother at the same time staring at some of the strange faces in the compound.  The strangers were a team from Malawi Television (TVM) “Reach out and touch program”, a television broadcast which show cases some of the people in Malawi’s three regions who are in need. TVM broadcasts this program to appeal to the nation and the community for help. Several people who were previously show cased in this program have been assisted and their needs have been met by well wishers who were touched by their stories.

I was sitting at home (taking a break from the World Cup 2010) when this show was on air. Today’s focus was on a young woman in her 20’s. She was sitting drawing on the ground not because she was artistic but I guess it was to hide the fear and emotions that lingered on her face. The TV presenter introduced her by name and the village where she came from. Then he looked at the lady and said; “we are here because we have heard that you have a problem and you would like to appeal to the nation for help”. 

The lady looked up and said; “yes I have a problem”.

“What is the problem?” The presenter asked, and the lady narrated her story.

Upon reaching puberty, her breasts started growing bigger and bigger and they never stopped growing since. One could not miss the pain and despair in her eyes. I watched eagerly to hear more of this sad tale. The presenter looked at the lady, he hesitated for a moment for the question which was about to follow needed proper thought and had to be constructed appropriately so as not to offend the lady or the viewers. He then asked the lady if she could show the viewers what her problem was. The lady did not hesitate, she snapped open her blouse and what a sight it was!  For every woman who was watching this show their hearts must have sunk. I starred at the screen in shock, I felt sad and I just could not imagine that breasts could grow that big and look so different.  Her breasts were hanging down below her belly button. The nipples were not visible at all because they were somewhere underneath the hanging breasts. She told the presenter that she has troubles breast feeding as she has to twist the breast to find the nipples so that the child could feed. The comfortable position she could breast feed was when she was lying on her back. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be (ladies)?

As the presenter continued with the interview it was revealed that she was married and the husband only came home when he had no money but spent most of his time somewhere else. The sad part was that this girl is still married to this man because she needs someone who can buy her some everyday needs. I felt sad, can you imagine the pain and rejection this woman must be feeling?

Further on I learned that this lady had been taken to hospital several times and the doctors could not figure out how to fix this problem. The grandmother and relatives then took her to traditional doctors to find out if this problem was something to do with witchcraft. The traditional doctors said that there was witchcraft involved but they offered no solution.

The reason I have put this story on my blog is to share this story and appeal for assistance. The presenter told the girl and her grandmother that they have to resort to prayer, because it seemed that was the only avenue they had not tried. I agree with the presenter, let us remember this woman in our prayers so that God can touch her and heal her situation. Not only does she need prayer but also any kind of help one can offer because she is struggling to do anything because of the big breasts. She can not farm because her breasts hang to the ground all in all she lacks a lot of day to day supplies.

The pride of a woman is in how she feels about herself, if she feels good about herself then she can easily mix in the society. This young lady has lost all hope and self confidence. The husband’s behavior makes her even feel worse about herself. What can we do to help?

Let us put our heads together to pray and ponder, so that one day this girl shall tell us another story.

For those of you who wish to help in one way or the other, please contact Malawi Television or leave a comment and I will get back to you with the contact details.

And keep those prayers going because the God we serve is able to do exceedingly abundant more than we could ever imagine.

“Stretch out a hand and lend a hand”.