UNTIL DEATH DO US PART!

I am sure most of you are familiar with the phrase 'until death do us part". A phrase commonly used in wedding ceremonies to affirm the commitment of the couple to each other. After each of them affirms their commitment by uttering the words 'I do', the crowd cheers in jubilation and the emotional ones even shed a tear or two. But how long does this phrase have to hold in the marriage, is it only in the church, or only until  the couple get on each others nerves or until you find 'new love' (whilst you are still commited by the way)? These are the questions I wanted to share with you today and also possibly hear your views on the issue.

To begin with, I will ask the question, why do we get married or should I say commited to someone? Is it because we love them, because we want to, because its in fashion, for the sake of status, or just because you have been in the relationship long enough and you just want to make it official? Which ever reason you had when you chose to get married should have been strong enough to be worth the word 'until death do us part' I hope, becuase if it wasn't worth the words then one has to revisit why they took that oath at the altar in the first place.

I believe one should get married when they have really made up their mind to and not because something or someone is forcing them to. In this day and age where divorce is so rampant, it comes as no shock when people go and utter the words 'until death do us part ' at the altar and a month later the two are walking their separate ways. One wonders then why did they have to waste all that money, take an oath before God and men (people) and now here they are taking separate paths. It saddens my heart when this happens because most of the times these are people who wanted their marriage to work, and wanted to spend the rest of their life time together but alas! it didn't happen. There are always reasons as to why people had to separate, ranging from irresponsible spouses in all manner of ways to  those spouses caught cheating.

Talking about cheating, I think this is one of the major reasons that relationships and marriages have landed on the rocks and finaly break ups. Why do people who once loved each other so much, up to  the point of taking the oath at the altar finally feel like they can't spend the rest of their lives together anymore?  Most of the times its beacuse one of the spouses feel cheated and have lost the trust they had in their partner. Many times its because the spouse has been caught cheating with another man/woman.

How do we define cheating then, and how does one begin to cheat on their loved one? Is cheating only when you are caught with another man or woman other than your wife, or can it be that one can be cheating whilst they are still with their partner but their love and commitment is with someone else. Here I am talking of a spouse who is imagining someone else in their arms whilst they have their partners with them.  Which ever the case cheating is cheatining, there are no two ways about it. 

Here is an example, you are walking in town and you meet this lady or man who is everything you have ever wished for in life (knowing that usually when you get married with someone they are not always 100% what you wanted lol!). Anyway so this lucrative opportunity presents itself to you, you have the choice to say yes to go ahead with the cheating or no, I dont want to do that. In most cases cheating does not come in such circumstances because you know that if I do this I willl be cheating (unless your conscience is completely gone). Usually cheating comes in ways we never thought of and most of the times people will not realise that they are drifting into the cheating waters until they are up to their neck in the mess. The interesting thing is that every man/woman is tempted when his or her own desire lures them. In this case people will cheat with something less lucrative and presumably easily satisfies their desire instantly (quoted from a discussion with EK). Does this sound familiar????

If we follow the cheating process this is how it goes:


 I am being lured (thought). I don’t care (brushing the thought off). I am going ahead (decision time). OOOPs I am cheating (final decision).You entertain subconsciously, then WHAT THE HELL DO I THINK AM DOING? (Realisation, eye opener).Then  you hit the BRAKES!! 

Sometimes when we hit the brakes its too late because we are too deep in the mess.

Come to think of it, who do you mind when it comes to cheating? Is it yourself, your spouse or your family, how about the person you are cheating with?
  
Usually you find that during the cheating process people find a  person who thinks that you don’t have a family or shall we say thinks that you are not committed and is acting innocently. Somewhere down the line the chemistry has started and then the innocent person you are cheating with realizes you are a commited person and at this point you have cheated two people.How would you feel?


The moment you take a step towards entertaining prospects of cheating, you have already gone a mile into the cheating bussiness.

Think about it, every marriage has its own problems and issues, but it is the way the issues are handled between the couple that makes a diffrence. If you keep thinking the grass is greener on the other side you are cheating yourself. 

Bouncing from one marriage to the other will not solve the problem. We learn through mistakes,  and  mistakes are part of our experiences, and these experiences make us into who we are.  Some people have had a chance to walk out of a bad marriage and land into a happy marriage and others they keep bouncing from one unhappy relationship to the next.


What a life! I hope you find happiness in your relationships.

Cherish what you have because sometimes we realize too late what we had after its gone and we can't get it back.
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Take care .

ACHIEVEMENTS

Looking through the weeks past, there were so many things to look back to and the many achievements that have been attained.

I could not help to notice the achievements of William Kamkwamba who from humble beginings his achievent is now recognized worldwide. It is in moments like these that one looks back at what talent is hidden in each one of us and is never put to use. William did put his talent into use and created a windmill which was able to help not only his family but also the surrounding community. Gathering from his blog I could not help to notice the confidence he has and also believing in himself that he could achieve his goal, by creating what he read in a book.

How much knowledge have we gathered in the past years that we could put in use? Most of us have had different opportunities and exposure to wider knowledge that if put in use could be very rewarding, but what are we doing with this knowledge?

My entry today is to encourage a lot of people out there who have so many different kinds of talents which have not been discovered yet, never to give up, but to believe in themselves and gather up confidence to perfect their talents. It does not have to be a huge thing for starters, for it is always one step at a time that a person starts walking and moving forward or backward. Let us take the right step towards the right direction. For as it is said in our local language "fumbi ndiwe mwini" meaning you are your own trainer (please if someone can translate it better please add it as a comment), its all up to you to perfect what you have. It does not have to be complicated, cooking, music, art and craft, dancing, talking, listening, gardening, and many more can be talents that can be developed. Let us not look down upon ourselves, let us work our way up to perfect our God given talents. You never know where you will end up with your talent in the years to come.

Best wishes

A future for the Malawian girl child?

Having been able to return to the place where I was born and brought up and did most of my education, I could not help noticing that things are not the same as they were as I was growing up. The life style has changed, the general behaviour has changed, so many things have changed. I remember when we were young going to school we used to walk a long distance to school even on a cold or rainy day but we still persevered because most of us had dreams to grow up and do something with our lives. I remember the teacher asking the regular question "what would you like to be when you grow up?" All sorts of answers would pop up, one would say, "when I grow up I want to be a pilot", another "I want to be a doctor", another "I want to be a lawyer" and so on and so forth. As we progressed in classes, others fell out due to so many reasons but some continued on. Being a mixed school the competition between boys and girls in class was always high and this was a source of discouragement to most of the gilrs in class and a reason to work even harder to a few girls.

Academic competition was not the only challenge that the girl child would face in school, as the girl grew and was transforming into a lady, many more challenges started to pop up. One of the major challenges was to stay focussed on studies despite the different forces of peer pressure pulling you in all directions.

Today, I notice that the peer presssure is even worse than during my time when I was a student. In addittion to the challenges I met, advanced technology and way of life, has led to girls trying to find a way to fit in the society they are exposed to. Look at this scenario, a child complains that all her coleagues in class have mobile phones and they were trendy clothes the ones that are "on the market". If the parent is able to provide all these the child will fill that they fit into their "society", whilst the child whose parents can not manage to provide these, will feel thet they are left out. It is when a girl child reaches this point of feeling "left out", that they try to find ways to "fit in". Usually the ways that are seen as solutions have also led to the downfall of many girls, most of them failing to perform well in school, hence not being able to proceed with secondary or tertiary education, early and life threatening pregnancies, even contarction of diseases such as HIV/AIDS.

How can we help our girl child then? Shall we just sit and watch both young (Adolescent) and old men (sugar daddies) abuse these young girls in return for the girls to obtain "status" that is fitting in the society? What can we do to encourage the girls so that they realize the potential they have and that short term solutions are not the answer for a better future? How can we encourage our young girls today to focus on their studies and work to develop their talents so that they can be the leaders of tomorrow?

These are the questions that we must answer if we want to save our society. With the prevalence of HIV and AIDS in our society, there is a need to support our growing youth both young girls and boys and direct them to the right paths. Every parent was once a child and every grown up has gone through childhood and we know the challenges that we face as a youth. Let us therefore take our position in the society to help the growing youth, both the girl child and the boy child and direct them so that they do not repeat the same mistakes we made. Men respect the girl child and help her to get a future she deserves, a better education, a better training, and a better life in the future. And to you young girls, stop looking at short term solutions to your problems and start thinking of long term plans. Why depend on handouts when you can work hard yourselves in your studies and or training and be able to even make more money. Why should you toss a whole future ahead of you for a short term solution while you can work patiently towards your goals in life?

How many of us answered the teachers regular question "what would you like to be when you grow up" and are so ashamed to repeat what we said we wanted to be when we grow up to ourselves because we have not made it? I know there are many circumstances that could have made us not achieve what we wanted in life not by choice, but if we have all the opportunities to make a better future for ourselves, lets go for it, work hard, achieve your best and do not let anyone decieve you with short term plans of becoming rich and making quick money while you can work towards your future and be the source of the money.

This is to all of you who know, love and care for the Malawian girl child. There is a bright future in every child, let us help them achieve it!

What a real "smile" can do!

A real smile can

• cheer someone up on a grey day
• make someone realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel
• make someone realize they are special
  
• make one realize that inspite of it all one just has to smile
• soften a hardened heart
• can melt the strong
• bring people together
  
• make someone feel cared for
• make someone feel special
• show that you care
• make an angry face relax
• give you a better look

A real smile is a gift from the heart, a genuinely thought through feeling expressed in a simple way.

Have a blessed day.. keep smiling!

The Art of Compromise

In my previous entry I wrote about simplicity, how we miss the simple but most profound moments because we are blinded by our "wants".

In line with that, I thought of another interesting thing which is crucial if one wants a lasting relationship and that is COMPROMISE.

I was having a discussion with one of my coleagues today about living with people, be it in a shared household, in a community, and anywhere else. During this discussion we found ourselves mentioning the word compromise. It is interesting to note that in every relationship, be it with people at work, friends, spouses, family, there is need for compromise.

As we all know by now, each person is unique in a sense that we all have different characters and behaviour which describe who we are. The interesting thing is that even though we may be 99% happy with ourselves characterwise we may be 40% a pain to someone else. What do I mean by this? Not everything we do which is pleasant and amusing to us can be pleasing to others, and the vice versa is also true. This is where compromise comes in.

When we talk of compromise we talk of tolerating people to a certain extent by learning and understanding them. In which ever type of relationship there is need for sacrifice and patience in order to learn and understand the other party. This is not easy but it does pay off in the long run.

With compromise one must accept to give up part of what they like for the sake of the other. To tell the truth this is not easy. The interesting thing is that compromise is not only for one partner in the relationship, but both partners have to be willing to give up something in oder to produce a better and lasting relationship. If you are not willing to compromise dont expect your partner to compromise and also with the same measure you compromise for someone in a relationship you should expect to get the same from the other party (sometimes its not the case). At the end of the day there is need for a better understanding between the parties involved in a relationship in order to reach a compromise and build a lasting relationship.

In as much as we compromise in a relationship we should learn to make a "wise" compromise.

Whew! I think I stop here for today.
Best wishes

Simplicity!

I was coming from work last Friday and found myself sitting next to a lady. She was simple with a rather calm appearance. Trying to strike a conversation, I greeted her and we started talking. The usual questions followed, "where do you come from?" "what do you do?" and so on.

She from Calcutta India, and she had been in the country (where we met) for some years. Then I asked a simple but most frequently asked question, "do you like it here?"
The lady looked at me and with a smile she said, "as long as I have food and shelter, I am satisfied, I am not fussy".

I was really touched by her answer, this led me thinking down memory lane, I thought of different moments in my life where I should have been thankful, many moments which I have taken for granted, many times where I narrowly escaped harms hand but I never even took time to be thankful for those moments.

Think of how we easily forget about the roof we have above our heads, the food that we eat everyday, and we complain so much about our other wants. How we forget that there are people out there who wish they could have just a roof above their heads and a meal for their stomach. How we become so self centered and think only about our wants and forget to appreciate what we have. How we always spend time praying asking God to do something in our lives but we forget to thank Him for what He has already done.

I hope you relate with me where I am coming from and where I am going with this matter.

Be thankful for what you have and remember that there are many others who wish they would have the same things you have but simply can not.

Simplicity! As long as you have a roof on your head and your stomach is not empty, you have something to thank God for.

Blessings

Beautiful Things in Life!

Hello again.. after such a long silence I thought I could write and share with you about beautiful things in life.

There is a saying that "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" and to large extent I do agree with this saying. What do you consider as beautiful things in your life? Is it the people that surround you, the possessions that you have, the car, the house, the shoes, the gardens, the list is endless. How about beautiful moments, have you ever had a moment that you wished you could freeze and just keep forever?

Many beautiful moments happenin life, I love spring, a season of new life, new beginning and beauty. If you live in the Northern hemisphere you will understand better what spring is all about.

During the spring is when all those dead looking plants and trees come back to life, the time you see the grey of winter slowly disappearing and different colours coming out from trees and plants. It is a beautiful sight. The soft breezed, chilly mornings followed by a warm afternoon with blue skies crowns it all, it is spring! All the grey days of the long winter are quickly forgotten as spring puts colour into the land.

Friends have you ever had grey moments in life that seemed never to end. Moments you wished were over and don't seem to get over? Well, I have had those moments they seemed so long (because they were long) and there was no thought of a light at the end of the tunnel. But you know what, the light finally came and just like spring, everything came back to life and it was beautiful.

I am writting to encourage you friends that when these beautiful moments come, let us be ready to look back and cherish our grey days, because no matter how grey they were, finally a beatiful moment has sprang out of it. I know that certain moments are so grey (even black) that we dont even want to remember them, it is very normal, when time comes, when it is the right time, we will look back and appreciate the beautiful moments that came out of them.

There is no winter without spring, and there is no beautiful moment without hard and long, and sometimes even painful days. Like spring, let us begin afresh. Its never too late to start all over again. You only live once, but in a life time you have a chance to start all over again, meaning that there will always be spring.

Just as a mother celebrates the birth of her child and forgets about all those awful moments, and just smiles at the beauty in her hands, let us learn to celebrate our beautiful moments without letting the past grey days ruin them.

I wish you the very best
cheers