WHEN YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE IS DESTROYED

Have you ever found yourself buried in self pity, feeling like you are not worth anything, you are a no body and you feel like no one cares anymore? Have you ever had your friend, teacher, father, mother, sister, brother, child, husband, wife, boss, strip you of all your self confidence and self worth by their actions, demeaning words, and so on?

I am sure most of you reading this article today are familiar with what I am talking about today. Where you are in class and the teacher always puts down any contribution you give, where you are always laughed at and made fun of for no reason. When friends gang up against you because they think you are different and you don’t fit in. When your parents think you are nothing, when they tell you your other siblings are better than you, when they alienate you and don’t even take notice of your pain. When your siblings don’t accept you, when your spouse ignores you and the world only revolves around them. When your friend, partner takes you for granted and ignores you. When your boss is always asking other peoples opinion and ignoring your opinion even when it is right. When you boss tells you in the face “I don’t like you” and does not pay attention to your work. You can add on to the list, these are but few of the examples that I thought I could use to introduce the topic.

WHAT DO YOU DO???

Yes what do you do? I am no expert but will share with you some of the things that have helped me to get back my self confidence, dignity and achieve my goals in different circumstances. I have grown up in a supportive family and my parents and siblings have always been there for me and encouraged me when I faced challenges.

When you are facing a crisis that is chewing up your self confidence, the first and most important thing is to accept that you have a challenge ahead of you, and that you and you alone have to stand up and face this challenge. Find a support group that can help you, be it your family, friends, church, professional assistance, people you trust and so on. Do not suffer in silence.

 What do I mean? If you are in denial and accept the bad words, statements and situations that are tearing your confidence apart as normal, your self esteem and confidence will keep deteriorating until it’s no more.  But if you accept that people around you are pulling you down, it is time to raise yourself up. You are your own enemy, if you don’t have the initiative to pull yourself up, you will stay down there and people will continue to stamp on you until you are completely destroyed.

 In one of my continuous studies I found myself facing a supervisor who never liked me, did not like my work, my skin colour and always put me down.  It was hard for me to understand and accept the situation. After a couple of months I realised that things are not changing and I am being pulled down and down. I told myself, ‘pick yourself up and face the challenge’. I looked back from where I started, who I was before I met this supervisor, what I achieved and my goals, I stood up to face the challenge. I worked hard, I focused on what I wanted to achieve, I remembered that it is me who has to stand up and prove myself strong and confident. And after some years I stood up and faced my supervisor, told him about all the prejudices that he had against me and told him what I wanted. I was confident, I stood up against my challenge and I excelled.  My supervisor was shocked and from this day on he started to respect me. And I still respected him.

If I did not stand up to face the challenges I had, I would not have achieved my goal, though my self confidence was bruised, I managed to get it back and still stand with it today.

So if you are facing challenges of whatever kind, do not give up, do not lose hope, focus on your goal and get back the self confidence and dignity that you once had before you met the challenge. It is never too late. You can always stand up again.

To my girls and women out there who feel like nobodies and their dignity and self esteem has been destroyed, it is time to stand up and take it back. During my challenges I had a great support group and they stood by me, they listened to me when I needed to talk, they encouraged me, they gave me hope. You can also be the one to encourage, the one that gives hope, and you can help someone to get their self esteem, self-confidence and dignity back.